Animal And Company: Rules for Dachsund Owners

RULES FOR DACHSHUND OWNERS

1. Dachshunds are never permitted in the house.
...
The dachshund stays outside in a specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the dog house.

2. Okay, the dachshund can enter the house, but only for short visits or if his own house is under renovation.

3. Okay, the dachshund can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided his dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.

4. Inside the house, the dachshund is not allowed to run free and is confined to a comfortable but secure metal cage.

5. Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal along
with the dog house in the yard sale, and the dachshund can go wherever he pleases.

6. The dachshund is never allowed on the furniture.

7. Okay, the dachshund can get on the old furniture but not the new furniture.

8. Okay the dachshund can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture and then we'll sell the whole works and buy new furniture, upon which the dachshund will most definitely not be allowed.

9. The dachshund never sleeps on the bed. Period.

10. Okay, the dachshund can sleep at the foot of the bed.

11. Okay, the dachshund can sleep alongside you, but he's not allowed under the covers.

12. Okay, the dachshund can sleep under the covers, but not with his head on the pillow.

13. Okay, the dachshund can sleep alongside you under the
covers with his head on the pillow, but if he snores he's got to leave the room.

14. Okay, the dachshund can sleep and snore and have
nightmares in bed, but he's not to come in and sleep on the
couch in the TV room, where I'm now sleeping.
That's just not fair!

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